Wednesday, June 6, 2012

I'm So Bad

Don’t worry I’m not trying to remake an MJ video via blog post. Although the thought is now amusing me greatly, I will stick with my original plan. The first time I noticed the phenomenon I will describe was while I was waiting to get weighed in at a weight-loss group meeting. People chatting in line and inevitably you hear someone’s whispered confession,
“I am so bad! This week I ate ….”
Weigh-ins are not the only place you here this though. On elevators, in the break room at work, when you are out for coffee or dinner or in the mall, you will hear the phrase,
“I am so bad but I am going to have…” and you can just fill in that blank. Past, present, future imperfect hokey-pokey-turn-yourself- about tense, it doesn’t matter. You’ll hear it absolutely anywhere you go! Just stop and listen for a while. This is easy for me because I LOVE people-watching and I am a notorious eavesdropper. (Yes that’s a word.) More than anything I love observing human behavior. Malls are great for this, but the Smorgasbord Granddaddy of all people watching has got to be the Atlanta Airport. I heart the Atlanta Airport!!! Sorry, tangent, just stop and listen the next time you have an opportunity to observe people around food. 
I’m so bad. When you are talking about a food choice that you have made, be it past present or future tenses, this is a reeeeeediculous way to describe yourself! This would be appropriate if you were confessing a murderous rampage, not if you murdered a brownie or five. And the repercussions of stating this over and over whenever you make a food choice or a decision to skip a workout or something that doesn’t fit in with your healthy living plan—these repercussions are huge. Why? Because you will eventually start to believe what you are saying. “I’m bad,” will eventually mean, “I can’t do this because I’m bad.” That is the message that gets reinforced every time you say these words. I’m guilty of it as well. Not only that, when you use these defeating phrases you are transferring power to whatever it is that makes you “bad.”
The second phenomenon I observed when standing in line for weigh-ins was this gem of an interaction:
Meeting Leader to participant: “Good morning! How are you?”
Meeting Participant: “I don’t know. We’ll see what the scale says.”
You may not have ever participated in a weight-loss group that makes you stand in line to weigh in, so this may be harder to witness in person. But do you ever hold your breath while the digital scale is blinking and then once it gives you your number, spiral into the depths of despair? (Thanks to Anne of Green Gables.) I have flung myself on the bed and allowed a number to throw me into a shame spiral for sure. Many more times than I can count. And it usually lasts for days and then I find myself saying, “I’m so bad,” while inhaling the aforementioned brownie or five.
Before you ask, I didn’t eat five brownies for dinner. I did however, find my mouth hurting so bad because of going to the orthodontist yesterday morning that the only thing I was able to eat was a cup of French Onion soup with a dinner roll and a couple of soft cookies from Paradise Bakery. I had to roll with the punches of feeling like I’d been kicked in the teeth. And then I realized I’d had four cookies in the course of one day and I was about to throw down with a major shame spiral. Here’s the fun thing though, I didn’t. I went on with life and took in the realization as information that I now had, and something that I will improve upon tomorrow. So no shame spiral last night, self awareness and an early bedtime with a couple of Aleve. Still calling it a win for the day.

WOD 06/06/12
Warm up
3 rounds, 5 ring rows, 5 KB swings, 200 meters rowed (Totally fell when I was trying to do some pull ups, laid on the floor for a while so that my ego could recover.)
Clean and Jerk 1*1*1*1*1*1*1. Seven one rep intervals adding weight each time looking for a one rep max load. I don’t remember my last PR on Clean and Jerk, so I am calling this one my PR at 85#.  Probably one of the hardest lifts for me because of how much you use your knees, but they did great today. Also, super exhausting work.
Breakfast: 2 and a half eggs, 2 slices of bacon, giant cup of coffee with H&H and Splenda
Lunch: Grilled chicken, protein shake, and mineral water.
Snack: Protein Shake
Dinner: Attempt #2 at steak and bacon grilled cabbage. Hopefully after trying to let my mouth rest I’ll be able to chew my dinner.

The end result is that I am not going to allow myself to think that “I’m so bad.” I'm trading it up for,
“I’m such a badass.”
Because I am.


  1. 'I'm such a badass." LOVE IT!! :)

  2. Heehee!!!! I love the badass part, too!!
    I toally agree--you say it enough, you start to take ownership of it (in a negative way). How about just say, "I made some imperfect choices" or "I allowed myself to indulge" and own it in a GOOD way??
    No shame spiral!?!?! What's the fun in that!?!? :)