Wednesday, August 21, 2013

My Cubicle Is Trying To Kill Me

I’ve been on vacation for four days in Chicago and I have not been counting calories, or censoring my intake in any way. I get to Chicago once per year and I have every intention of enjoying every single last bite I take. So I did. Deep dish at Gino’s East, polish sausage at Portillo’s (even though we have one in Phoenix now),  hot dogs at the Cub’s game, mind blowing Thai food, steak, desserts, ice cream the list goes on and on. You’d think I came home to a disastrous morning on the scale.
You’d be wrong.

In the most astounding weigh in ever, I ate my way through Chicago and I managed to lose 2 pounds. Not that two pounds is staggering weight loss, but it’s still a loss! How was this possible? Hold on to your hats kids, because this is mind blowing: I walked. A lot.

My mode of transportation for four days was primarily my feet and the good help of the CTA. We walked all over the place, to breakfast, to lunch, to the L station… I got more walking done in four days than I do in two weeks at work. I have the luxury of sitting in an air conditioned office while I work, but the sedentary life I lead as a result of that is threatening to hurt my body and health long term.

I can’t tell you how many studies have been published on this subject, but studies tend to make my eyes glaze over and pretty soon my brain wanders and I’m on my next mental vacation. Let’s forget about studies for a few minutes, and let’s take a look at what I have experienced lately.

In May when I had my accident and I dislocated my leg, I was pretty much immobile for 2-3 weeks, after which walking was still a challenge. Over the course of May and June I gained 10 pounds even though my daily food intake wasn’t increased. My movement was greatly decreased. Come July, we went on vacation to Europe and spent almost three weeks eating our way through vacation. But we walked a lot every day, we swam, we were far more active with every day activity than our usual daily grind. I lost all ten pounds that I had previously gained. Boom! And again with this Chicago trip. Four days of walking and two more pounds gone. Disclaimer: no I don’t believe that you can eat your way through your daily life and just work out a bunch and you will lose weight. Healthy meal choices need to occur in order to live a healthy and balanced life. But one thing is for sure: daily life has become so easy from a physical labor point of view, that it is threatening the lives of millions of people who are chained to their computers and desks on a daily basis.

The real question then is what do we do about this?

My short term answer is this: I have started another experiment. I am standing at my desk for chunks of time, I’m even using the stop watch on my phone to try to get  a feel for how much time a day I can stand… we’ll see how this goes. I’ve started to make my desk a little more flexible by stacking some trays and propping my keyboard up so that I can stand and type and help clients. Adding flexibility and movement to your day doesn’t mean you have to add a full workout on your lunch break. But in addition to taking stairs, how about you stand a little? Maybe you walk over to someone’s desk instead of sending them a quick email. It may end up providing a physical and mental break as well as strengthening your work relationships with good old fashioned human contact. (The kind your HR department won’t frown on.)

I wrote this post while standing, and while this experiment is in its infancy, I’m considering it yet another step in the right direction. FYI, it might be weirding out a few people around here. I’m ok with that.




P.S. This post is dedicated to Erin C. who gave me a not so subtle reminder that she wanted more. Thanks Erin, love you!

P.P.S. Up to an hour standing so far today. And I was right, editing had to happen while sitting.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Did You Miss Me?

I missed you for sure! I REALLY missed writing this blog!

I will offer no excuses but will catch you up on my life in the last nine months or so.

In October, I took a new job and found myself in the unfortunate position of having to study for another licensing exam. For me, this is the stuff of nightmares. It was a hideous couple of months of self study before I took the Series 7 exam. Seriously, this stuff for me is vomit worthy.

During those two months of self study, we kind of accidentally bought a house. On Election Day actually. I went to vote that morning, and then I went to give our realtor all of our paperwork. They had accepted our offer by that afternoon. I say accidentally because we didn't expect to buy the first house we bid on, but that's how it went. So we were off on the our-house-closes-in-a-month-omg-we-have-to-pack races. I took my exam 2 days before we closed on the house in mid-December. BTW, this girl decided it would be brilliant to move the day after Christmas. That was just silly. But move we did, with the wonderful help of my in-laws--who are amazing!!!

At the end of February we had house guests arrive for a few months, they are missionaries who were here to raise support in the US. My darling friend and sister Verica was with us through the end of April, and our "little brother," Alek was with us through the end of May. They were so much fun to have with us; the house still feels quiet and empty without them. I kept finding hidden post it notes from Alek hidden randomly all over the house. There was even one on the iron. Took me a month to find it. I should be ashamed, but I'm not.

At the beginning of May, I had a pretty painful accident. Fell down a flight of stairs, the last half of it actually. Dislocated my hip, did soft tissue damage to my knee and shoulder. Spent a few weeks on crutches, unable to walk, in a lot of pain, and out of work. Also, I was pretty tanked on the pain meds. My brother and mom took turns babysitting me because there is no telling what I think will be a great idea while I'm on vicodin. Publishing posts to a blog were not allowed.

In June, I exhaled. I also continued to heal.

In July, we had a wonderful working vacation planned and the day before we were supposed to leave, our water main started leaking. Ah, the joys of homeownership. All was fixed before we left, and we went across the big blue ocean and spent time in Zurich (just a day long layover), Slovenia, and Macedonia. Rob and I spent our time in Macedonia with our dear friends, and we volunteered our time to be English tutors for high-school and collage aged students who wanted to speak more English. We also shared our faith. Amazing! All that fun stuff, and we were lakeside in Ohrid, Macedonia. Swimming in the lake sure beat being in Arizona at 118* F. Surprisingly I was able to walk, walk, walk my little heart out in Europe. Stairs, cobblestone, miles and miles each day.

So now, I'm here.

Almost the beginning of August, waiting desperately to get the clearance from my doc to work out strenuously again. Although truthfully, after the dislocated hip I don't know how long it will be or if I will ever be allowed to return to CrossFit. So much of your power in weightlifting is generated from your hips. At this point I will take anything that the doc will let me do, but considering that it's barely coming up on 3 months since my accident, I'm pretty happy I made it through the European vacation. I've had a lot of realizations lately, and I'll share them in the coming days. But I just want you to know, that even though I've been silent, I haven't stopped trying and working hard.

I'm down 65lbs since October. Today I weigh less than I did my senior year of high school. I can't believe I can say that. And from my highest weight ever five years ago, I am down 150lbs. I've lost a human so far. I can't wait to see where the next year will take me.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Columbus Day and Other Musings

Happy Columbus Day!

Normally I'm not one much for Columbus Day, but I realized that the Sliced Herb Turkey (Low Salt) that I bought at Costco yesterday was Columbus brand I figured, why not? Having 4oz of it in my salad for lunch, and it's super tasty! Now that it's fall, it is truly starting to feel like fall here. We may actually be below the 90* mark sometime this week. This morning we even had the windows down on our way to work. Gorgeous weather! I love this time of year! It's bike riding weather for sure. Now that just makes me giddy with excitement! Maybe I'll ride to work here soon.

So I haven't had a monthly wrap up here in a while because I was off the wagon for so long, that I didn't feel like I wanted to crunch the numbers. The truth of it was that I gained back the 10 pounds that took me so long to lose. But I'm back on the wagon, and eating right and doing my best to work out. Right now my husband is a part of this men's group on Sunday nights, and it's killing me and my ability to wake up early enough for CrossFit. He gets home around 10 and we end up going to bed an hour later. It's a rough trade off. But I need sleep and I can't get up at 5 when I'm drifting off to sleep at 11:30, so my workouts for now are going to roll to the evenings for Monday. I actually made a Pinkie Swear to my friend that I'm working out tonight. Burpees in honor of my friend Erica!

I have been mulling things over, and I think I am going to restart my workout counter. With the time I lost in August and September, I feel like just continuing the count wouldn't honor what I set out to do. So even though I restarted already, I am restarting the count today. I made a promise to be as honest as possible, and I want to honor that. There is no shame in starting over. There is no shame in failure. There is only shame in not rising again. There are so many words of wisdom regarding determination and perseverance. One of my favorites is the first half of Proverbs 24:16 "The righteous fall seven times and rises again...." It's not whether or not you fall, because we all fall. It's whether or not you get back up. That's the game changer. I can't tell you how many times I fall, I'm clumsy that way. But I am not ready to give up. Not today.

8 rounds, 2 rounds of each: Push ups, sit ups, air squats, high knees for a total of 144 reps!


Breakfast: Premier Nutrition Protein Shake, Vanilla. (I just found out that they sell strawberry flavor from their website, I might have to bust out and buy some.)
1 oz Dry Roasted Almonds

Lunch: 3 cups of organic baby spinach, 4 oz Herb Roasted Turkey Breast, sliced. 3TBS Light Ranch Dressing, 2 Precious Stringsters All Natural Cheese Sticks, Perrier.

Snack: Premier Nutrition Protein Shake, Vanilla.

Dinner: 6oz Tiger prawns, 1TBS Olive Oil, 3Cups Organic baby spinach, 3oz mini sweet peppers, 3TBS Light Ranch Dressing, more water. UPDATE: Realized I was low on my calorie count and went with 9oz of the prawns.

I hope you are all having a wonderful Monday! I am excited about some topics for this week including technology, Tabatas, and I would be happy to tackle any of your suggestions, just leave them in the comments. See you all tomorrow!



Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Working for the Weekend

One thing I have learned about weight loss and fitness is that you cannot expect it to just magically happen. As much as I would like to expelliarmus my way out of this excess weight, I can't. It requires hard work and planning. Planning of meals, workouts, rest, and your life. Now you can't plan absolutely everything, but being prepared for what you know is coming, like a three-day weekend in San Diego!

Rob and I are going to visit some of my favorite people on the planet, Natasha and Chris. They live in the gorgeous city of San Diego, and I will say that I love southern Cali. Unfortunately I love eating through southern Cali as well. So this brings me to the whole planning and preparing concept. Here is my plan of attack for making it through the weekend in a healthier state.

1) I am bringing some food with me because I am going to be that girl. Now don't panic, it's not a ton of food that I am bringing, but I am packing snacks. First, protein shakes. They travel well with no mess. Second, lean proteins that have been cooked and frozen. That way they might thaw a little throughout the drive, but then when I get to their house, I can stuff them all in the fridge. Out of consideration for Chris, who has a life threatening nut allergy, I am leaving the almond laden stuff at home.

2) We are eating out a time or two while we are there. I have done research on the restaurants and I am planning my meals and choices now. I find that (and feel free to laugh at me for this, because it sounds a little ridiculous) if I make a decision now and practice making that healthier food choice mentally, it becomes a lot easier to actually make that choice when the time comes. I might start researching our October Chicago trip now that I think of it....

3) Working out is a must! I know that this is a lot easier to plan than it is to do, but I am going to throw down with a Friday and Saturday workout. We usually do a lot of walking on vacation, and especially given the sunny beach that awaits us. But I am going to get in some solid sweat time first thing so that I don't put it off for later. Even if it's a Tabata, four minutes of torture is something I can do without sacrificing too much of my time with my friends. Who knows, maybe I lure them all into a game of Marco Polo in the pool. I have mad Marco Polo skillz.


Breakfast: Coffee, three eggs cooked in olive oil.

Snack: Protein shake, vanilla from Premium Nutrition

Lunch: 4 cups organic Spring Salad Mix, 6oz boneless & skinless turkey breast, light ranch dressing, and 2 slices of Jarlsberg light Swiss cheese slices.

Snack: 2 String cheese sticks.

Dinner: 1 boneless& skinless chicken breast, steamed broccoli.


I was going to try to go swimming, but I might do a pilates video while dinner cooks instead. My legs are fried after yesterday. I realized 8 rounds of 15 airsquats is 120 squats. I am definitely walking funny today.

Lastly, I think the thing to remember while on vacation is that you deserve some grace and fun, but it's not a free pass to eat everything in sight. I just got done doing that and it wasn't as rewarding and tasty as I had remembered. I have renewed my commitment and I don't want to stifle that, I want to see it grow!

Any ideas on healthy and grain free foods that travel well? What healthy food options do you choose when you travel? Leave me your suggestions in the comments!



Monday, September 24, 2012

Picking Myself Back Up

Where do I even begin after such a long absence? I fell off the wagon, for so many serious and some seemingly stupid reasons and found myself in an anxiety filled hole that I couldn't get out of for far too long. I will explain it all here.

In July I injured my right knee by pushing too hard on a 1 Rep Max Back Squat. I got a personal record, and then I couldn't walk right for about three to four weeks. After which I promptly dislocated my right leg. I had been running up and down stairs at work all day and my right leg felt funny. So when I got home, I decided to stretch a little. So I go into a downward dog and kick my right leg up to open up my hips and my leg just popped out of joint. I say that rather casually but it sent me screaming to my yoga mat, and then promptly to the chiropractor the next morning. (FYI, I cannot describe the relief that is accompanied by blinding, white-hot, pain that I felt when it was popped back in place. I am rarely a person at a loss for words, but I had no words. Just noises.) Now this was just what preceeded my absence from CrossFit, but after that came the personal turmoil of family illness, and finally personal illness that leveled not only my workout habits, but also my eating habits. I did not roll with the punches. I ate through the punches. First out of necessity while my dad was in the hospital, I spent very little time at home--mostly for sleeping and showering. And then after my body stopped rejecting the fast food, I started wanting it. And I kept eating it and taking the easy way out.

Lets talk about the anxiety now. It is a liar, first and foremost. I can't tell you what started it all, just that after all the stress was running rampant without check that I woke up one day already in this hole. I had to dig my way out. Past the thoughts and worry about things I can't control. Past the worry of things I wish I could control. Past the thoughts of things that may or may not happen. Paralyzing anxiety that left me tired and devestated at my lack of progress, my lack of motivation, and my inability to kick start that engine back to life. And here I encountered the worst of my fears of losing weight. What if, (btw-the what if game is a dangerous game to play) after I lose all the weight I am still unable to have kids? That precious can of worms exploded in my brain one day and left me rocking myself back and forth under my desk.... Metaphorically. I honestly think that led to more sabotage eating than all of the previous stress and situations combined. The broken thought process being: "If I don't lose the weight then we can blame not being able to have kids on the weight not on some other unknown fertility issue." Not a concious thought, but an overall explenation of self-defeating behavior. Which left me in a right state of the most convoluded hot mess that I have seen myself become in recent memory.

So now that you are one panic-stricken hot mess, what do you do?

No really, if you have any ideas, I would much appreciate them.

What I did, what I found myself doing, and continue to do for now is the following. I cried. I wore my bad mood like it was my favorite hat. I ate things that I haven't eaten in years. I had a gluten filled extrveganza that I am pretty sure is to blame for my ear infection and subsequent reptured eardrum. (I'm quitting the destructive and punishing eating though. I am not doing any more of that.) I threw myself into work. I watched funny tv shows that made me laugh. And I finally started signing again. Once I start singing again, I knew it was almost over. And through it all, I prayed on my knees before my Savior who loves me regardless of how much of a mess I am.

This is painfully embarassing to admit, but I am doing it anyway because I think that if we leave our pain shrouded in mystery IT retains all the power. I don't want it to have any power over me. I want to bring it out of the shadows of my heart, let the the Son shine on it, and use the experience to learn and grow. And also to let others learn and grow as well. I sat in church yesterday morning being encouraged by a message on woundedness and brokeness, and worshipped with a grateful heart. I wanted to share with you, I want to encourage you.

In my failure I have lessons to learn, corrections to make, and redemption that will follow. I am hitting a reset button starting today, my first day back at CrossFit Chaparral. I feel so alive! It was a spectacular day to be back, and I was able to hit my last PR on a 1 rep max deadlift at #215, and I think it was a PR on "Cindy," as well, 8 rounds +10 reps. (Cindy is one of the named WOD's, 20 minutes as many rounds as possible of 5 pull-ups, 10 push-ups, 15 air squats.)

Be encouraged that you don't have to be perfect today, or any day. Each day brings with it a new opportunity. Today you can hit the reset button, pick yourself back up, and move on. If you do, I'm right there with you.



Friday, August 17, 2012

You're Great!

If you watched the Olympics at all, you have probably seen the following commercial by Nike.

"Greatness. It's just something we made up. Somehow we have come to believe that greatness is a gift reserved for a chosen few. For prodigies. For superstars. And the rest of us can only stand by watching. You can forget that. Greatness is not some rare DNA strand. It's not some precious thing. Greatness is no more unique to us than breathing. We're all capable of it. All of us."
My initial reaction were tears. I had tears in my eyes when I saw this kids running. His name is Nathan, he is from Ohio and at 12 years of age he weighs 200 lbs. I was overwhelmed with how wonderful it was to see him running. I can't tell you how many times I wish I had done it back then. In my heart I cheer him on. The words too that accompany his running, move and inspire me. "Greatness is no more unique to us than breathing. We're all capable of it. All of us."

We are all capable of greatness. It's our birthright as a member of the human race. Greatness is not confined to the top place of the Olympic podium. It is found in the lonely runner on a country road. Or in finishing that which you didn't think your body was capable of. How about having the courage to even get started? Funny enough, I don't think that most people take enough time to give themselves credit for what makes them great. I am terrible at it. Mentally, even when I succeed, I am always playing things back and wondering what I could have done better. I have a hard time admitting or acknowledging that I am good at anything, much less really calling any of my strengths great. Am I alone in this? Like I said, I don't think so.

So here is my challenge to you, and me, make a list of how you are great. What makes you great? What are you good at? How are you absolutely, uniquely, amazing? Write it down. Say it out loud. Affirm to yourself and the world that you are absolutely made with purpose, and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are great!


Still hurting knees, today they are both in agony. I need to find a specialist and get them looked at. Going to try the WOD tomorrow though. We'll see.


Breakfast: 2 eggs, 2 slices of of bacon. First bacon in a long time and it was delicious. Also a muffin.

Lunch: spinach salad, 4.5 oz roast beast, 3 T light ranch dressing, Baked Lays, mineral water.

Dinner: Mexican food extraveganzzzzzzza. Totally not Paleo, so don't care. Birria (spicy roast beef, shredded and served with lettuce, pico de gallo, guac, and a squeeze of lime), Magic Rice, and refried beans. Got tortillas for the fam, but I don't think I want any because my mom promised she'd bring pumpkin pie for dessert. There are few things I love more than pumpkin pie. It means fall is coming. Eventually.

I'm working on my list. Here it is so far:

I give the best hugs.
I have AWESOME hair.
I am a great singer.
I am absolutely creative, to the core of who I am.
I am fearlessly changing my life and my health every day.
I am a child of God. That one is my favorite.

Will you share your list with me? Leave your notes in the comments!



Tuesday, August 14, 2012


Wow what a great morning! I somehow didn't expect to see myself down 4.4 lbs when I got on the scale, but I am so excited! The Bodybugg is doing it's job of helping me keep closer track on calories in and calories out. It's basic math, but you need the information that your body doesn't just naturally give you. I had a bit of fun the first CF WOD I wore the Bodybugg for, in my 21 minute WOD I burned over 900 calories. Incinerated is more like it. I would have had no idea if it weren't for this nifty little device. And now that I am used to wearing it, I don't really mind it at all. It's not a perfect device, and the software isn't as intuitive as I would like, but it's a wonderful bit of technology and it's extremely helpful.

Fear has been on my mind lately. It's been a topic of several conversations with many people and it's making me sit up and take notice. We all deal with fear. There are times I feel fear circling around me like a bird that is waiting to strike its prey. That's a bit melodramatic, but isn't fear like that? When fear exists, happiness and joy are gone. Fear is a liar, a cheater, and a thief. But it's powerful. It imprisons us daily. We don't do because we fear the outcome. We remain the same because we fear the unknown. We don't take the risk and jump because we fear falling and failing. Fear binds and shackles our dreams and potential and leaves us mired in mediocrity. Fear is powerful, and it's a lie. One that we cannot listen to any longer and expect our lives to change.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 A short passage that I keep coming back to over and over again as this process goes on. Here is the internal dialogue that goes on in my head after I read that.

"But what about when I'm scared about..."
Do not be afraid

"But this is completely uncharted territory for me!"
I am with you wherever you go

"But I don't know if I can do this!" (serious whining here)
Be strong and courageous.

And there again, I am reminded that fear is not an option.


Resting my knees still. Going to try CF in the morning again. I will say no to box jumps. For now.


Breakfast: 3 links of Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausage, 3 eggs, coffee with H&H and Truvia

Snack: 2 string cheese sticks

Lunch: 7 oz boneless skinless chicken breast, 1.5 cups of steamed broccoli, mineral water 

Snack: 1 oz dry roasted almonds.

Dinner: 2 salmon burgers-no buns, just salmon, caprese salad

There was a tremendous amount of fear in starting this blog. A public chronicle of my weightloss efforts? I seriously questioned my sanity! There was a long list of fears, some of them bigger than others. It was an act of faith and courage beyond myself and my capacity that propelled me forward. These are among my greatest fears, all that I am telling you about my life and heart and hurts, here they are.

I fear the unknown.
I don't know how this process will change me, and I don't know how I will still be me after it's completed.
I don't know what it's like to be a non-plus sized girl.
What will life be like?
Will I make it?

I find, however, that as I call forth my fears from the darkness out into the light, they aren't as big as I once thought they were. I can clear my throat and speak the following truths of myself: I am strong. I am courageous. I am not afraid.



P.S. I am also scared of the dark.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Will Power and Diamonds

When I was a little girl, I was a nail biter. I've always been a high energy person, and as someone with ADHD, there is a fair bit of low grade anxiety most of the time. So I used to bite my nails. Not only was it a sort of gross habit, it was also incredibly unbecoming. (Note: I am not picking on any nail biters out there. I promise there will be a point to all of this.) I was about 9 years old when my mom struck a deal with me. If I didn't bite my nails for two months, she would buy me a diamond ring. If I needed them trimmed or if I broke one, I was to tell her and she would trim them for me. So there stood this major challenge before me. If I did it, I would get the one thing I have loved since I could see shiny things--jewelry. No joke, since I was a very little child I have loved the sparkly. Non-vampire form of sparkly. I digress. Prior to this deal I struck with my mom, she had tried everything to get me to stop biting them. She had used this bitter nail polish type stuff to make my nails taste bad, she had begged and pleaded, she had spanked and grounded me and nothing seemed to work. But this time, she had dangled the ultimate carrot in front of my face. I wanted the diamond ring so bad, I was willing to do anything. So I stopped biting my nails. I stopped cold turkey.

Sixty days is not a terribly long period of time, but for a nine-year-old it may as well be a year. Sixty days of not biting my nails was an awful length of time. It dragged on and on. But after a while, the desire to bite my nails was gone. I knew that I was going to get my ring instead. I remember every time we would get an ad from the store, I would go tearing through it to make sure that they still had the ring that I wanted. Finally the weekend after the sixty days was completed, my mom took me to collect my prize. I still remember walking into that jewelry store.  It had super thick red carpet that muffled your steps. I could be a ninja on that carpet. I picked out my ring, it said "Love" with a heart for the "o" and a tiny diamond chip in the middle of it. It may have cost about $20-$30 total, but I could have cared less. It seemed to me to have cost thousands, and in my young life I had not owned anything so beautiful. It was all mine, and I had earned it.

I was telling my girlfriends this story at lunch on Friday as we sat in a restaurant and they ate the food they ordered, I ate the lunch I had packed. ( I clearly have no sense of shame, but it was the only way for me to have an accurate calorie count.) My friend Stephanie looks at me and remarks at the story, "Wow! You have so much will power!" I just looked at her dumbfounded. I have never in my life associated my character with having any amount of self-control. Impulse control issues was what I associated with me, not will power. But what she said so resonated with me that I had to write it down. What I realized about my success and breaking this bad habit: 1) It was a specific goal. 2) There was a specific time frame involved. 3) There was a prize at stake. 4) I wanted to do it. Even though it was my mom's idea, I wanted it. I want this success, even though it's going to take more than 60 days. I want this more than anything, and I have time specific goals as well as numbers that I want to achieve. Perhaps I may need to add a prize to my current goals. Something shiny seems appropriate. Or several prizes...I like that idea too.


Rest day. My knees are still hurting a lot and after Friday's WOD I have limped all weekend long. I am beginning to wonder if I need to see a specialist about getting those shots in them. I may also need to revamp my workouts in general. More rowing, less box jumps.


Breakfast: 3 Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausage links, 3 eggs, coffee with h&h and Splenda/Truvia. I am trying to make the switch to Truvia, but it's a process, I am using a little bit of Splenda still but I am not replacing it once I run out.

Snack: 2 string cheese sticks.

Lunch: spinach salad with turkey breast, half an avocado, and spicy low-fat ranch. 1 serving Baked Ruffles. Rrrrruffles have rrrrrridges. Bonus points if you remember that commercial.

Snack: I have a protein shake or almonds if I get hungry for a second snack, but I'm not committed to eating it just yet.

Dinner: chicken breast, with garlic and lemon, salt and pepper. 2 cups steamed broccoli. Broccoli makes me happy, and fills me up. May put some butter on it. We'll see what my calorie count is at at this point.

I like this new perspective I have on myself, and my character. I've always considered myself tenacious, and a strong willed, but having will power is new to me. It's growing on me too. And in case you're wondering, that ring still sits in my jewelry box, 26 years later. Special thanks to my friend Stephanie, who sees things in me that I don't, and to my mom who is still teaching me about myself at the age of 35.



Thursday, August 2, 2012

Welcome to August!

The end of month two! It's been two months diet soda free and I cannot tell you how wonderful it is! Amazing to feel free of that soda itch. I remember Friday the first of June so clearly. I sat at my desk and nearly cried I wanted soda so bad! Last weekend I got a free diet soda and didn't even drink half of it. The desire for soda is absolutely gone, and my health is better for it. I don't feel that much different, but I do look different. My skin looks better now that all I drink is water and coffee. Now I know I post a lot about coffee, but really all I have is a large mug in the morning. So for the rest of the day it really is all water that I drink. A mineral water at lunch, and more water for the rest of the day rounds me out. So happy about it!

Last week's back squats messed with my knees. They are sore and swollen, and I am reminded that I don't have the luxury of going that hard or else I'll hurt for days. Did a little yoga on Saturday, mostly stretching though, nothing really strenuous. Stayed strong all week, clean eating even though we ate out. Had some chocolate and remembered that even though dark chocolate is supposedly good for you, I am not so tolerant of it and it tends to trigger migraines in me.

I purchased a Bodybugg the other day. I am really excited about it, and can't wait to get my hands on it. I went back and forth between the Bodybugg and a Fitbit, but I think that for my needs, the Bodybugg will give me better information on caloric burn, and caloric needs and such. For those of you who may not know, the Bodybugg is a handy little gadget you  wear on your arm. It has sensors that calculates all sorts of information to give you an accurate reading on your calories burned. I'm excited to see what kind of information it gives me. I'm most curious about how much I burn during and after a CF WOD. We'll see! I realized though that I finally started to see the weight budge again when I started tracking my calories with My Fitness Pal. The reason I wanted to go with the Bodybugg is that I wanted to have even specific information than I would have otherwise. Using technology for good! (As a note, I'm not being compensated for my use or endorsement of this product. I am buying it and will tell you what I think. Good, bad, or indifferent.)

Now for the Month 2 Wrap Up!!! 

Not nearly enough WOD's. Only completed half of my goal. I definitely see the impact of work stress and then my knees hurting. I missed a lot and would give this an F. However, it makes me wonder if my goals are a little too aggressive and may need to rethink them. I would rather keep pushing and striving though. We'll see, I'll let you know if I make any changes to my goals though.

Weight lost: 10 lbs! I finally saw the scale move! Thank heavens! And continued inches lost 5.5 more inches which means I am down over a foot in inches total!!! (14.5 for the record) YAY! So glad to see actual weight lost though, I can't tell you how much I needed to see the number move. It would have been difficult to not be discouraged if it hadn't moved. I hope to make greater progress with the Bodybugg.


Breakfast: 3 eggs, coffee with half and half and splenda

Snack: 2 string cheese sticks, 1 oz almonds

Lunch: 2 cups of spinach salad, 5 oz lean ham, 2 TBS Ken's Lighthouse Ranch Dressing.

Dinner: 8oz Black Tie Ono (fish), 2 cups broccoli, 1tbs butter


Rest day. It's been a rest week due to my knees being angry. Going back to CrossFit tomorrow morning.

I am so encouraged about the scale movement, and I feel like I am narrowing down what does and doesn't work for me. Food journal has been key, and going back to measuring my portions out. Also, less bacon has helped as well. I miss it, but my waistline is improving-so it's ok. Also I hope the insanity at work should slow down more so more frequent posts are in the future. Love to you all!



Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Popcorn Cubicle Threat

The guy over the cubicle wall from me just popped a bag of popcorn and was sitting there munching on it and withing seconds my nose was taking in the delicious aroma. I told him I hated him and then threatened to punch him in the throat and steal his popcorn. His windpipe remained intact and I didn't have any of his popcorn, but wow that smell makes it really tempting. The smell alone makes you want it. Now I had just eaten lunch and I wasn't hungry, so I said no when my gracious colleague offered me some even after I had threatened him with my wrath. Not that he was really concerned as my wrath is about as non-threatening as it gets. But it made me think about how many eating cues we respond to and how to deal with the temptation of eating when you aren't even hungry.

Allow me to begin by saying, you don't gain a substantial amount of weight unless you eat more than you should and exercise less then you should. You gain lots and lots of weight by using food to deal with pretty much everything in your life. But how do you stop turning to food and turn off that switch? It's powerful once you've made that connection in your brain, and it's hard to undo, but it is possible. Try a few of these ideas on and see if it helps.

H.A.L.T. Before You Eat. Ask yourself, am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? Unless your honest answer is hungry, put the food down. That is the beginning. Then comes the task of determining what you are going to do with the emotional energy that needs an outlet.

   *Go for a walk, or choose a physical activity of some kind. Bike, swim, WOD, just do it and wait for the sweet rush of endorphins to help turn your mood around.
   *Write down what you are feeling in a journal. This can be very cathartic.
   *Get some chores done. I clean whenever I have angry energy that needs undoing. (I should get angry more often)
   *Cry it out. Sometimes you just need to wrap yourself up in that bad mood and allow yourself to feel whatever emotion it is your are feeling. Deal with it by letting it all go. Cry it out. Watch a sad movie if you need a little motivation.
   *Count your blessings. Sometimes our attitude needs a little adjustment, and taking the time to be grateful and express that gratitude reinforces the positive in our lives.
   *Share your happiness! Even positive stress can cause someone to turn to food. Do not reward yourself with food. You are not a dog! Share your happiness with a friend, and celebrate with a non-food reward.
   *Ignore it. Choose to distract your desire to eat with a book, a hobby, or maybe get some much needed sleep.


400 meter row
15 Goblet Squats, 15 push ups (two rounds)
Back Squat, five sets of 2 reps each rep getting heavier trying to max out by the 5th set. 5 set at 125#! I don't remember the last 1 rep max I had, but that was close. Followed by a set of 10 at 85#.
Cash out:
300 meter row, 21 box step ups 3 rounds for time. Finished in 12:05.

Today was insane, especially after last night's burpee festivities. My legs are fried and I've been walking funny all day. Nothing like sore glutes, hammies, and pretty much every large muscle group in my body. So sore! So awesome!


Breakfast: 6.5oz boneless skinless chicken breast, coffee with H&H and Splenda.

Snack: 2 sticks of string cheese, 1oz almonds

Lunch: 7oz. Dijon chicken, 1 cup steamed broccoli.

Snack: Premier Nutrition Chocolate Shake.

Dinner: 12oz sauteed shrimp, 1 cup steamed broccoli, 2 tbs butter. 1 piece of saltwater taffy for dessert.

The list above is obviously far from exhaustive. Please feel free to leave me any ideas you have or use, as this is still a moving target for me. I still use chocolate medicinally once a month, and there are times that a handful of something makes it into my mouth before I stop and evaluate what is going on in my heart and body. Hope you are all having a spectacular week so far!



Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Making it Real (updated)

I am a list maker. There is always an abandoned list at the bottom of my purse from my last shopping trip. Without it, I'd forget something. This leaves me a little up the creek when I forget to put something on my list, like contact lens solution ,which I have needed to purchase for days now. Life is too distracting and busy for me to remember every detail that needs to take place. So why is it that when we are trying to lose weight we are resistant to writing things down?

The honest answer: Writing it down makes it real.

I've been writing down my nutrition for you in the blog every time I post. Writing down what I am going to eat is a tremendous amount of accountability. It stopped me dead in my tracks yesterday morning! I split up that steak like I said. Seeing what I am committing to eat on the screen makes it real. Super real. I don't like to make changes to it once I've written it down. And now I am including portion sizes because I want to make greater strides in weight loss and I am looking to tighten up any aspects of my nutrition where I may have become a little lenient. Lenient is easy to do on days I don't blog. So here are some of the weapons in my weight-loss arsenal, I hope they are a help to you as well!

   *There's an app for that! Use your smart phone to shop apps and find one that helps you track your health goals. I am currently using My Fitness Pal because it's free and I can use it from my computer, phone or iPad. But I've heard of a bunch of apps out there that are tailored to your specific goals. Start searching and find one you like.
   *No smart phone? No problem! Back in the day, I learned how to use these low tech gadgets called pens and notebooks. Get yourself a little notebook to carry, or some 3x5 index cards, something you can use to write down what you've eaten.
   *Set some goals! Use the SMART method to develop a plan. Make sure they are: Specific, Measureable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. For the R some say Results, others say Relevant, for weight loss and healthy living I think that setting a realistic goal would be far more applicable.
   *Once you've made some goals, share them with someone who will be supportive and encouraging. I'm sharing this with you all, and I love that it holds my feet to the fire.


20 minute AMRAP (as many reps as possible)

Burpees. That is all. This is self inflicted punishment. I hate burpees, and I am terrible at them to top it all off. I want to get better, and you don't get better unless you work on it. Doing it tonight after work and before dinner. I'll report my reps later.


Breakfast: 3.75oz lean ham, 3 eggs, coffee with H&H and Splenda

Lunch: 6oz Dijon chicken with 2 cups steamed broccoli, 1 string cheese stick.

Snack: 1oz almonds, 1 string cheese stick.

Dinner: 8oz basil chicken sausage from Sprouts, caprese salad 1 large tomato and 3oz cheese per serving. And fresh basil, it has to be fresh basil.

It's been my experience in weight loss programs in the past that I am most successful when I honestly write a food journal. Don't believe me? Try writing down what you eat in a day and it will surprise you. It is an eye opening experience.



Update: 60 burpees in 20 minutes, not too shabby. It's the jumping up from the pushup that takes me the longest. And now I'm a hot mess.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Starting off on the Right Foot

So last night I posted about portion control and dividing things up, and it made me so mindful today of portion control. So this morning when I was packing my lunch and making breakfast, I split up a steak and had half for breakfast and half for lunch. I love that the accountability is changing my mind and my behavior is shifting with it! Crossfit this morning made me super hungry and since I was already cutting up steak for my lunch salad, I kept cutting and had some for breakfast. Worked out really well because I am usually crunched for time on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Perfect! I do need to get better about making lunches at night though. Always room for growth.

Had a wonderful WOD this morning. I've realized that starting a week with a strong workout on Monday morning sets me up for more successful week for getting all my workouts in. And once I do workout, I am more concious and deliberate about my eating choices. I find that this first decision on a Monday morning starts me off on the right foot. It makes me stop and think about what I am going to eat. It motivates me to make sure that I am prepared with meals. Mentally, it sets me up for success. It builds excitement about the process. And I feel strong, empowered, and mighty! I don't know about you all, but once I've reached feeling mighty, I know I can do this! And I may walk around with my sassy pants on for the rest of the day.

Now, sassy pants firmly in place, I realize that they have an expiration date, each night at midnight, and I have to start all over again the next day. So let's lay the groundwork the night before. Pull out the workout clothes, and shoes, and socks, find your water bottle and have a plan. Pack your lunch the night before. Make an extra chicken breast or four and have them ready to grab at a moments notice when you are in-between making a good choice, or a not so great one. Try planning out all your meals. At this point I know what meals we will be having this week, at least most of them. The best defense is a good offense, and planning like this allows you to be on the offensive and not allow the week to just happen and catch you unawares.

WOD Split Snatch @55# 8 reps
10 ring rows
10 push ups
400 meter row
3rounds for time, finished in 18:52!!! Such a huge sense of accomplishment! Love that feeling!


Breakfast: 5.5oz steak, coffee with H&H and Splenda.
Snack: 1oz almonds, 1 stick of string cheese.
Lunch: 5 oz steak, 2 cups organic baby spinach, 2 TBS ranch dressing, 1 TBS Sriracha hot sauce.
Snack: same as before
Dinner: Dijon mustard chicken, 1 cup broccoli, 1TBS butter.

o Success in anything really isn't about luck, or who wished hardest, but it relies heavily on preparation for the task at hand. You can do this, and so can I! Now put your sassy pants on and get to it! As always any tips or recommendations you may have are always welcome in the comments!



Sunday, July 22, 2012

Divide and Conquer

I'm a Costco girl. Not a little, a lot. I love Costco, I've always loved it since I was a little kid and it was still called Price Club. Dedicated love for my favorite warehouse store. I love that I get bang for my grocery buck, and I can get deals on just about anything. Also, the people watching there is absolutely astounding it's so good. The only place better is an airport. Yesterday I watched a little girl of about 5 dislodge a giant teddy bear (about 5' tall) and drag it over to her parent's cart. Hilarious. Her mom didn't think so, so I apologized for laughing. It was so darn cute! I also watched one man purchase 12, 5lb cans of green beans and nothing else. So many questions that you don't dare ask a stranger. That's a lot of green bean casserole for one. On the upside, he's ready for Thanksgiving in July. But that brings me to one of the pitfalls that strike me often as I fight the good fight against over eating and weight loss. Portion control.

There are certain things that I buy there very often. Boneless skinless chicken breasts, organic baby spinach, roasted turkey breast, organic eggs, organic broccoli, organic butter (seeing a trend here?), nuts, etc., and in order to make it work I have to divide and conquer. Literally. Yesterday I purchased string cheese and almonds for snacks because I am little burned out on the protein shakes. I can tell I'm burning out on a snack when I bring them to work and prefer to go hungry and let them sit on my desk. There are three of them on my desk as of Friday. So when I went to Costco, I picked up some dry roasted almonds in a 2.5 lbs container. It may surprise you to find out that that 2.5lbs is approximately 40 servings! That's crazy! But one serving of almonds is one ounce and that goes by quicker than you'd imagine if all you do is sit down with an open container. So I sat down with the open container, a digital kitchen scale, and a box of snack size storage bags. Took me about fifteen minutes or so and I got them all divided up, and now they are ready to pack into lunch boxes as a healthy snack alternative.

The divide and conquer is something that I learned a few years back from Weight Watchers. They preach portion control, and it's so very true. So many people, me included, do not know what would be an appropriate portion of food anymore, particularly with the way food is being pushed and peddled by restaurant, fast food chains, and food manufacturers. Since I learned that technique, I have been dividing up food as soon as I am able to when I get home from shopping. Today I cooked about 4 pounds of broccoli, and then put 1cup servings into individual storage bags, and them popped them into the freezer. Now they are ready to pull out and microwave for dinner or lunches! Boom! done! All you really need is a digital kitchen scale. I am not partial to any particular brand, I've had a Chefmate scale for years that I picked up at Target. You can pay anywhere from $10 to $50 easily, but somewhere in the middle will probably be fine. I think mine may have been in the $25-$40. It's been so long I honestly don't remember. My bias is against dial scales, I like the precision of digital. I also own an extraordinary amount of storage bags and Rubbermaid BPU free containers. Also purchased at Costco. And no, they don't pay me. Not yet...


Rest day


Breakfast: One coconut pancake, whipped heavy cream (with Splenda) and strawberries, 2 slices lean ham, coffee with H&H and Splenda

Lunch: Steak, 1 cup broccoli, 1/2 cup steamed yam. butter.

Dinner: I am just going to have a light snack, maybe some of the almonds or cheese. It's a little late now though.

It takes a little bit of time to put things into individual servings, but I find it's most cost effective and healthy if I do it myself instead of buying prepacked foods. This may be helpful for moms as the school year is about to begin for many in the next few weeks here in Arizona. If you are ever in need to check your portions while you're away from your kitchen you can always use these basic rules to eyeball your portions:

1 cup is about the size of your fist
1, 3-4 oz serving of protein is about the size of your palm or a deck of cards
1/2 cup is about the size of a computer mouse. (not the gigantic ergonomic ones, c'mon now.)
1 tablespoon is about the size of your first joint on your thumb. Unless your hands are tiny or huge.

Hope this is helpful for you all, and I look forward to hearing any of your ideas on this. Also looking forward to more consistent writing this week! So happy about that!



Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Self Control and a Spiritual Connection

I've been pondering the concept of self control lately. I think that there is a common misconception about people who struggle with weight, that there must be a complete lack of self control. I've wondered it about myself in the back of my mind after I've made bad choices. Is there something lacking? Is there a way to tap into self-control that I am missing? How do I make the connection? I honestly think that the answer becomes a spiritual one. A deeply rooted connection of understanding that your life was meant to be filled with the fruit of someone greater than you.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23

When I examine this verse a couple of things strike me right away. It reminds me that as a child of God, I have been sealed by the Spirit and I bear fruit. Singular fruit. As if all those character traits were all part of one amazing piece of Spirit filled fruit. I'm not going to get into a breakdown of the original Greek and get all Bible school geek on you all. But it seems to tell me that if my character is showing an example of one of those character traits, then the Spirit is more than able to do the work to produce the ones I don't think I posses. And perhaps I don't posses self-control in spades by nature, but this verse is telling me that it's not MY nature, but the nature of the Spirit of God at work in me that matters most.

Rest day today, I had an orthodontist appointment early this morning. I will do a Thursday WOD instead.


Breakfast: I stopped for breakfast on my way to work, got some chicken nuggets at Chik-fil-a and a Coke Zero. This is amazing to me because the soda did not taste as great to me. I did eat some of the potatoes that came with the meal, and then I stopped because I realized I was eating them out of old habit not hunger.

Lunch: Red Thai curried beef, with a small amount of sweet potato chunks. I had put broccoli in there, but found myself unable to chew it.

Dinner: Soup. My teeth are killing me.

Making the spiritual connection is something that I miss out on when I am trying to muscle through the process on my own strength. But as I look to the true source of my strength, the process becomes so much less about my strength and so much more about His glory. Glad to finally be back. What's been going on with you all?



Monday, July 9, 2012

Crazy Idea Ahead...

I've had three cups of coffee this morning. It was not a pleasant night to try to sleep as it was hot and muggy, and it was way early when my alarm clock started screaming at me to get up for CrossFit this morning. Fortunately I had prepped my stuff the night before and laid out workout clothes as well as work clothes, so I was prepared for when my morning felt like I was swimming through mud. Glad I was there for the WOD. Loved it. Love every minute of exquisite torment that is a WOD.

This last week we had a meeting with a lovely friend of mine, Emily. She is a realtor and we are officially beginning our house hunt this coming Saturday. Yay! We are looking for a house that is hopefully not too far from work. Honestly, my greater concern is that I'm not too far from CrossFit Chaparral! A girl has to have priorities! It's an exciting process, and I've never gone through it before, so we'll see how it all goes.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day, and something dawned on me. Not everyone has a whole lot of experience cooking. Now I get that this is a somewhat stupid realization. However, since I have grown up learning to cook, and liking to experiement and create new recipes, I forget that for some it's kind of torture. So here is the thing, cooking doesn't get better if you don't work at it. It won't. You have to try. But you don't have to wander into a store without help or guidance. You don't have to do it alone. I bring to you idea acquire a cookbook. Now I listed one of my faves previously, "Everyday Paleo," by Sara Fragoso. But if you just wander your happy self over to Amazon and type in the search cookbooks you will be met with over 97,000 options. Now refine your search and look for healthy cookbooks, You drop off about 92,000 of them, but you still have about 5,000 or so to choose from. At this point in my journey, I will search for Paleo Cookbooks only, but that's because I feel so much better now and I just don't feel that grains are worth it. Now pick one, or two. And that's a great starting point. It's a launching pad for you to start with some structure while you learn how to cook. But this may not be quite enough, so here is the crazy pants idea I had today. Ready?

I will do a cooking demonstration and class in my house on Saturday August 11th. We currently have a smaller condo so I can take the first six people who sign up via the comments on today's post. We'll go over bulk cooking, shopping lists, and some recipes. So if you are interested, let me know!

"Jackie" 1000 meters row, 50 thrusters @35#, 30 ring rows subbed in place of pull ups. Almost rx'd! Finished in 15:25, and prior to that I got to a 105#back squat. I'm finding that heavy weight front squat hurts my wrists which I've had surgery on both. All the squats and thrusters though have blown up my hammies and I'm probably going to be in a world of hurt tomorrow,best kind of pain ever!


Breakfast:Chorizo and eggs, with half a coconut pancake. 3 large cups of coffee. I'm not proud of myself.

Lunch: 4oz chicken breast, 1.5 cups of steamed veggies with a drizzle of olive oil, Mineral water.

Snack: protein shake, chocolate flavor today.

Dinner: turkey burgers with cheese, no bun, lettuce tomato, pickles, and steamed veggies.

It's kind of a crazy idea, but my hubby is on board for my first ever healthy living cooking class! And I am super duper excited! Hope some peeps want in...hope everyone had a wonderful Monday. After all my caffeine this morning, I'm about ready for bed now. I'll catch you all tomorrow!



Sunday, July 8, 2012

What a week!

Sorry for being lost in space these last few days. It's been a  crazy busy week at work! Too many people are on vacay and we are going through a major initiative for my department. Next week still looks like it's going to be a little ridiculous, but hopefully slowing down from there.

So how are you all doing?

Wednesday was the 4th of July, a day where we celebrate our freedom and make awesome food. We went over to BFF's house and spent time with friends. I made a lethal desert, s'mores bars and sadly I came with some leftovers. So what did I do? I stuffed them all into individual baggies, saved one for my sweet hubby's lunch, and one for me and passed them out to the first six people I saw at work the next morning. I cannot keep that stuff in the house. It's just too darn delicious. I thought I was feeling a little strong on resisting temptation, turns out I was wrong, not so strong. I've been sampling things, and tasting, and wanting to cook things that we could do without just because the ingredients are in the house. Oh and work has had a two week long bake sale. I wish I could make this stuff up. Two whole weeks. Is this really necessary? I finally gave them money to make them stop asking me to buy muffins.Then I took some and passed them out to people on my way to my desk. First of all, most of it will make me sick, but I still wish I could have it. Second of all, most of the people I work with have to sit for a living, the last thing any of us need is an opportunity to eat more during the day. America's cubicles are the real cause for the obesity epidemic! It's interesting though, I ate a couple of splurge items on purpose as a splurge, and then I found myself wanting more and more. So splurge items may need to be a single serving thing for now, not anything that I keep in the house. I can't have it if it's not in my reach. Also, just a few splurge items made me feel awful. No joke, all I had was potato salad, Doritos, and baked beans on the 4th, and I felt awful for days. I think the dark chocolate I used for the s'mores bars triggered some migraines. I have to get this stuff out of the house quick.

I had brunch with some friends yesterday morning. I talked with my dear friend about where she is in her personal struggle and I see so much of myself in her. This post is for you J-girl.

The last post I wrote was about how I can feel my determination strengthening. I feel myself getting stronger and leaner and more focused. And then I got a little too arrogant and ate stuff I shouldn't and it made me feel sick for days.What happens when you fall down? There is another voice that speaks to my heart. It speaks to my fear, and vulnerability and hurt. It tells me that I am a failure. That I can't do this. It tells me to lie down and quit and admit defeat. It is also a liar. And I don't have to listen.

Let me say that again. It is a liar and you don't have to listen!

Stop for a moment and take in some truth. You were beautifully created with purpose. You are exactly where you need to be at this moment. Do not compare yourself to where others are, but consider where you are. That is your starting point. Your journey to health doesn't have to look like any one's but your own. And no matter where you begin, the point is that you begin.

Now when it comes to changing your life, it's a little overwhelming. Start small. If you don't know how to overhaul absolutely everything, then start out with making changes to your breakfast. Go to bed half an hour earlier, get up earlier, and start making a healthy breakfast. No cereal, bread or pop-tarts. Eggs, lean proteins, veggies, fruit. Drop the dairy. Do that for a couple of weeks, and then move on to overhauling your lunches, do that for a few weeks and then move on to changing your dinners. Learn to measure out portions and allow your body to feel hungry before eating. It has become very intuitive for me, and when I deviate from it, at least with the Celiac's, I am keenly aware of my mistakes.

What happens when you fall down? You get back up. No matter how many times you fall down, you get back up. Your life, health, and dreams are absolutely worth fighting for. You can do this. I am here cheering you on.


Rest day


Breakfast: 1 coconut paleo pancake, chorizo and eggs, bacon. Coffee with H&H and Splenda.

Lunch: we'll probably grab a quick bite out, usually opt for a chicken salad of some sort. I'll update it later.

Dinner: Turkey burgers with cheese, no buns, steamed veggies.

See you all tomorrow. I will do my best with the work load this week to get posts up daily. Sorry for the long hiatus. And thank you all so much for your love and support. We are in this together and for the long haul.



Monday, July 2, 2012

Have You Ever Considered...

Whenever I am at a doctor's office and they start talking, I know that eventually the conversation will turn to the following question:

"Have you ever considered weight-loss surgery?"

My response is always the same, "No, it's not for me." And then they begin to assault me with all their doctor-medicalese speak for how beneficial it is. How perfect life would be, how I could resolve all my health issues, how everything would be unicorns, puppies, and rainbows for the rest of my life. I just had two of these conversations, with two seperate doctors within a 24 hour period. My answer is still no.


Well the list of risks are insane to begin with. No one likes to list the potential death rates, most certainly not the clinics. But think about the less sever and still frightening complications: dumping syndrome, anemia, malnutrition, hypoglycemia, bowel obstruction, ulcers, stomach perforation, gallstones, and so on, and so on. When I rattled off this list to the doctor he just stared at me blankly. I don't think he had thought that I'd done the research, but he clearly has no idea for my affinity for research. Secondly, I noticed, that he had no answer for the complications list. "Oh, and how many people die every year from bariatric surgery?" I asked. More silence. I've been watching The Biggest Loser since season one. I love that show, and it inspires me every season! I can't help but notice that every season, there is someone on that show who has had some sort of weight loss procedure done who has regained all their weight and is and they are worse off than before their surgery. It takes more than a magic bullet. And unfortunately I feel like that is how medical professionals are selling these procedures."


"Fran" Thrusters and Ring Rows (subbed instead of pull ups) 21-15-9 Not Rx'd
In case you are not familiar, the named CF WODs are evil. Fran is evil, I hate her, but this was a personal best for me, I finished in 6:59!!!


Breakfast: Salmon, and broccoli, cup of coffee with H&H and Splenda.

Lunch: Roast beef, with lettuce and tomato, low fat chips and a cookie. No bun. I never do well when work provides lunch. Sadface. I was super hungry within an hour.

Snack: The insides of another sandwich, two slices of roast beef didn't cut it. And then another cookie, fail. But I told you I'd be honest. I started to have some more chips, but then I threw them out.

Dinner: 1 cup broccoli, 5 oz chicken, 1 cup marinara.

Please do not misunderstand me. I do not disparage or look down on those who have elected for these types of surgeries. They are helpful to many people. I fear the side effects, and have seen people suffer in the aftermath. For me the risks are scary enough, that it's not an option. I also have this tiny little voice inside my head that has been whispering for years,

"You can do this Kendra."

Lately, it has turned into a ferocious roar.



Sunday, July 1, 2012

Welcome to July!

Today I tried out a place that is new to me, and I think I may have found my favorite new place. True Food Kitchen has two locations in Arizona, one at the Biltmore Fashion Park and the other at the Scottsdale Quarter. I visited the one at the Scottsdale Quarter with my dearest friend Jessica today. It is a haven of healthy eating! I am delighted to have found it. Now, it's not an inexpensive meal, but their offerings are healthy, local, organic when possible, and amazingly delicious! They offer gluten free items, vegan options, and they do not endorse sodas! The ambiance is relaxed, and the location is beautiful. Today I tried the Panang Curry Chicken no rice and extra broccoli. The bite of the curry was just enough heat to make me sit up and take notice, without making my eyes extra blinky. Jess had the Steak Tacos, which our very knowledgeable server pointed out was a smaller plate and pointed to some other entrees in case she was more hungry. She loved her dish as well. I also like that they change their menu seasonally to accommodate the availability of seasonal produce. I will say that the average meal for 2 will probably run around $50-ish with tax and tip, provided that you don't order appetizers and desert. It's spendy, but tasty and right now I would rather spend a little more and not go out as often, as long as I am getting a quality meal that doesn't compromise what I am trying to accomplish.

Speaking of which.... (worked on the segue for hours)

It's been one month since I started My Next 100, and I have some fun stuff to share!!! When I hopped on the scale this morning I flipped out. Not in a good way, I might add. I did not lose any weight ON THE SCALE. I'm not going to lie, I struggled all day. Until I had a moment of clarity, and I pulled out my tape measure. Now I had neglected to take my measurements on June 1st, so I took them once the thought came to me on June 8th, after a whole week had passed. So I remeasured today and total body inches lost in the last 22 days is: 8.75 INCHES!!!! This is a decrease of 2.72% body inches. I also completed 17 WOD's of the 22 that were my goal. That translates to a C on the WOD portion of the program, so there is absolutely room to improve. I made few exceptions to my eating plan, but I am going to work on whittling portions down to something that would promote greater weight loss, so always room for improvement there. I would also like to take a moment to remember that my addiction to Coke Zero in particular, diet sodas in general, is now over. I am calling this month a success!!!

When I look at the long term goals, it can be seriously overwhelming. The thing about life change though is that as we make changes, they need to be sustainable. If it's a change that you can only manage for a few days or a weeks, then it's not lasting change, it's a temporary adjustment and nothing more. Lasting and permanent life change is a process. Start out wherever you are and make changes you can live with, and then move forward from there. I am so glad month one is done and over with, but I see where I have room to improve and grow. I am now super excited for the coming months and the long term future and all that is encompassed by that.


Rest day


Breakfast: 2 eggs, .5 cup salsa, 1 tsp olive oil, and 3.5 oz lean ham

Lunch: Panang Curry with chicken, water.

Dinner: 5.5 oz wild caught salmon, 1 cup steamed broccoli, 1 tbs butter, salt, 1 tbs, sweet chili sauce.

One small confession, as a treat for myself for completing the month of June, I gifted myself an eyeshadow set from Sephora. It's a small celebration. I look forward to greater celebrations to come. We'll keep the champagne on ice for now. Thanks for making it with me this month, what progress have you made on your goals? Let me know in the comments.



Friday, June 29, 2012

Freaky Friday

This morning I went to work early. It's been a stressful week. I've had a lot of meetings all over our campus and I've been organizing a celebration project for a milestone in our department all which had to be done this morning along with my regular workload. I started out Monday with a migraine, and it continued Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I've spent several nights too stressed to fall asleep, or tossing and turning because of the stress. So today when I finished my morning meeting I sat at my desk and started to panic a little because my left hand was tingly. And then my neck felt tight. So I picked up all my stuff (including my husband, the benefit of working for the same company) and rushed myself to the doctor so she could run an EKG on me and see what was wrong. Guess what she found? Nothing. Not a thing. Perfect blood pressure(116/70), perfect EKG, perfect everything...I had managed to stress myself out to the point of an anxiety attack and I thought I was having a freaking cardiac event. I felt a little stupid for the literal panic I was in, but I would rather be safe than sorry. I'm fine, my anxiety attack is abating. I've only had a small handful of them over the course of my whole life, but as someone with ADHD I am somewhat more vulnerable to them than the average person. Still feeling a little silly though.

After today, I am painfully aware of my need to get some rest. I am looking forward to a restful weekend. It's weird, The Biggest Loser is doing an open casting call for season 14 here in Phoenix. I've gone to the last several casting calls and sent in multiple videos, and have never received a single call back. I don't think I'm going to go, even though I would love to be on the show especially since Bob Harper has totally become a Crossfitter himself! But I like the path I'm on. It's my own journey with the CrossFit Chaparral family and you all as my accountability, and God as my strength. I'm going to workout in the morning and go on with life.


No WOD today. I had to be at work too early, and after an anxiety attack, my body is exhausted and completely spent.


Breakfast: Huevos rancheros, no tortilla, yes bacon, coffee with H&H and Splenda.

Lunch: 5oz chicken breast, 1 cup frozen veggies

Dinner: Steak, broccoli, mashed potatoes, and a slice of garlic toast out. As well as a slice of cake today. It was a splurge afternoon.

Like I said a few days ago, I am looking back over my last month's worth of meals and looking to tighten things up and make greater headway on the weightloss portion of this experiment. I am so excited about the progress and changes I've implemented in our family life. Life is good, and even though circumstances and emotions may ebb and flow, I refuse to be discouraged.



Thursday, June 28, 2012

Thank You!

First I want to thank everyone who has reached out to me about yesterday's post. I was getting emails and text messages late into the night about how it resonated with so many people. (Late is relative, it was 9:30pm when I checked the last message as I was crawling into bed. Don't judge me.) It seems to have struck a chord of personal experience, or made a connection with a lot of people. I'll be honest, it's hard to put this stuff out there. These are the real deal when it comes to my fears and insecurities about body image, weight, and the struggle of it all. What I am overjoyed about is that so many of you have been moved to do something about your current condition. Whether you are at a healthy weight and are just making better choices for yourself, or you are starting from a point of illness and excess weight, we are here together. Secondly I want to thank all of you have affirmed me and gifted me words of love and kindness. You help bring healing to places of my heart that remain broken. Thank you for speaking truth to me. Lastly, to my unbelievable husband Rob. You amaze me every single day. Thank you for your love, encouragement, and belief in me when I just don't see it. I adore you.

I am grateful for the challenges that I have faced in my life. I don't wish them on anyone, but I see how God has used these experiences to shape my character and make me the person I am today. From humiliation I have learned to extend grace and kindness. From hurt I have learned to choose joy. From hard times I have learned that they will not break me and I am far stronger than I ever imagined. I have learned to make the choice to tenaciously love people who are hard to love. Not because it's easy, but because they need it. And it's not always the easiest or prettiest moment ever...there are more naughty words muttered through gritted teeth than I can count. But the end result after all these years is one that I am grateful for.


Rest day! Oh thank heavens! My body is so sore, and my knees are slightly angry...still.


Breakfast: BAT breakfast, mostly because it was already to go. Coffee and H&H and Splenda

Lunch: Ham, avocado, and tomato...again because it was easy to do.

Dinner: Hamburger patty with onions, jalapenos, and cheese and a side salad. I also tried some of the artichoke dip.

This chapter of life is still a little scary, but more exciting than anything else. I am anticipating awesome, amazing and wonderful things, for all of us. I don't have an idea of what course that will be or what shape it will take, but I am excited about it all. Thank you again, I am absolutely grateful for you.



Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The Burden of Weight

I've been working on my health, weightloss, and fitness in one way or another for the better part of my adult life. There have been moments where I've given up and done nothing for the sheer exasperation of the task at hand. I call it fighting the good fight for a reason. It's a battle every single day. It's mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual. I've realized that I cannot expect to make lasting change without binding all four of those aspects together. For those of you who have never struggled to lose a substantial amount of weight, (50 or more lbs) allow me to paint you a picture.

A few years ago I still belonged to a globo gym. It was the only kind of gym I knew and I was still putting in hours every week working on losing weight and getting fit. I had gotten into the habit of going to the gym after work, getting an hour and half workout in before I went home. I was in a nice little routine when I noticed this group of guys making fun of me. Young twenty-somethings, openly mocking me as I labored through my workout. I complained to gym management, but they did nothing. So these guys continued, laughing, pointing, mocking every day for weeks. I could only take so much, and one day I finally just gave, and left in tears. I changed my workout times to the mornings, but I had grown so discouraged it lasted only a few more weeks before I just stopped going altogether.

In 2008 I bought a beautiful bicycle. Her name is Lulu. She's pretty and purple and I love her. I bought my bike and rode to work every day until the weather got too hot. Once it cooled off again in the fall I rode my bike again. I kept this up for about a year because my car was dying and I really wanted to minimize how much I drove it. During my bike commute to work I experienced people openly swerving to mimic that they were trying to hit me, people rolling their windows down to yell insults, and at one point someone threw food at me. Betcha that wouldn't have happened to a thin woman.

I've had doctors mistreat me and call me a liar. I've been mocked, bullied, yelled at, and passed by as if I'm invisible. I even had a roommate in college refuse to shake my hand or eat anything I cooked (even though I was on WeighWatchers at the time) because she thought fat was contagious. I've had people tell me I'd never get married or that it's a shame that I have such a pretty face. It's interesting. The human condition is such that we are in constant comparison and competition. We seek to rank ourselves against others and judge our worth. Who does what best, or where you rank in your class, or how much you make, or how good you look are different types of barometers that we use to see how we stack up to the competition. And discriminating against those who fall short of a given standard isn't new to humanity. Be it class, race, gender, or weight it's still discrimination. The thing that non-heavy people don't understand about the overweight is that we are keenly aware of our shortfalls. It would be extremely rare to come across an overweight person who isn't aware that they are, indeed, overweight. Pointed and/or passive aggressive remarks are not required. The burden is ever present and so much more complex than what you could imagine. And it's painful. Even if we do our best not to show it.


Today's warm up was like a WOD all by its onsie.
10 reps of each for time: burpees, box jumps, sit ups, push ups, pull ups, toes to bar, dips, wall balls, walking lunges... I didn't list them in the order we did them, but I finished in 7:49

And then on to the AMRAP (as many rounds as possible) for 10 minnutes

5 Squat Snatch @ 45#
21 box jumps

finished 3 full rounds plus 6 reps.

Went to CrossFit this morning with the beginning of a migraine, this may have not been the best idea I've ever had. I also suspect it's a cluster migraine because this is day three of this blinking headache. Makes me want to crawl into a dark freezer and stay there.


Breakfast: the last of the baked egg cups, salsa, and bacon. PS: couldn't eat the egg cups. So bacon and coffee for breakfast.

Snack: Protein shake

Lunch: Turkey breast, avocado, and tomato. I offered to call it the AT&T lunch and Rob just rolled his eyes. TAT is more appropriate anyway. Mineral water.

Dinner: Salmon, with steamed broccoli, maybe some other veggies

I have shared these experiences with only a few people in my life, and now I am putting them out there for everyone to read. The goal would be for people who have never had this struggle to understand a little more and maybe have a bit more compassion for the people in your life who do. Perhaps, maybe even extend grace to the people you don't know and pass on the fat jokes from now on. I needed to get this off my chest so I can work on forgiving and moving on. I don't want to carry the weight of this hurt anymore. It's just too heavy.

Thanks for reading and your support.



Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Month To Date

I'm coming up on a month of My Next 100 and I am wondering a little about my progress so far. I've been kind of thinking about a few things that I want to work on. Here are just a few thoughts.

I've been thinking about my nutrition a bit. The foods I am eating are quality, and I am purposefully keeping carbs on the moderately low side, but I think I need to dial in the portion sizes a bit more. By that, I mean make them smaller. And maybe reduce the bacon intake. (sigh) I am feeling different, my clothes fit better, and I am starting to look a little different. (A very little) However, I don't feel like I am making the best use of the caloric needs information that I got when I did the hydrostatic body composition analysis. I want this project to be a smashing success. Also, I want smaller jeans.

Yoga. I want to love yoga, but I'm kind of horrible at it. It also hurts to do yoga on my tile floors even with a mat. I'm going to try to find a much thicker mat and see if that helps. I may also look for some other DVDs that work on flexibility and building a foundation for a yoga practice. The Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga DVD is a lot of poses which put too much strain on my knees. But it's supposed to help with calories burned and I suppose if you don't have knee problems, then maybe it's a better fit. Not giving up on yoga, maybe just not loving this DVD as much as I wished I did. I've gone to yoga classes before, and I lament that I can't do a membership because of the help an instructor can provide.

Cooking thoughts:

I bulk cooked eggs for breakfast and made little egg cups with chopped bell peppers and onions in them. Then I put them in freezer bags and popped them in the freezer. The texture of eggs that have been scrambled, baked, frozen, and then defrosted in the microwave is not my favorite. Not gonna lie, probably won't do that ever again. Fail. Fail. Fail. Maybe a quiche like recipe without the crust would be better, but this was not a good call. Not going to waste them, there are only a few more servings that Rob and I have to suffer through before we can go back to fresh egg deliciousness. 

I can't seem to buy enough veggies. I am perpetually running out of them. I may need to go back to buying frozen on some varieties so I can have them on hand. It's a lot more convenient and I don't want to burn out on our veggie choices. I'm going to try making zucchini chips this week. I saw it on pinterest, don't know if it's gonna work.

Oh, and the crockpot chicken with the dry rub and white wine? It worked well. The wine had been opened for more than a week so I didn't want to drink it, but it went well with the chicken. I shredded it and added some gluten free BBQ sauce. The broth thinned out the sauce so it wasn't too heavy and hardly sweet. It was delish!

Lastly, sweet treat idea. This is not Paleo, but I think it's a nice alternative for when you need a sweet treat. Take some gluten free graham crackers, spread a thin layer of cream cheese and top with sliced strawberries. It gives you the flavors of cheesecake, but in a moderate and still enjoyable way. And it's a nice way to use some summer fruit.


Swim night! I wish our condo association allowed for quiet early morning swimming, however they do not. So I am going to hop in the pool as soon as I get home and get some swimming in before dinner. It will also make me super hungry for dinner too.


Breakfast: Bacon, avocado, tomato with lemon. Coffee with H&H and Splenda.

Lunch: BBQ Chicken with half a small yam, mineral water

Snack: Protein Shake

Dinner: Fresh Cod cooked in olive oil with rosemary, garlic and lemon, caprese salad.

Stress and Cravings:

Work has been extremely busy and stressful and out of the ordinary for me. I am grateful for my job, it's just been a tough couple of weeks, and it looks like it's going to continue. The first thing I do when I stress out is cheat myself on sleep. I can feel it and it's only been a few nights that I haven't been sleeping well or enough. Must continue to make that a priority.

Soda isn't calling my name anymore. It took about three weeks before I was really free from its addiction. I find that the mineral water has been the key in breaking my habit because I do love the fizz. Now I like the fizz with a twist of lemon or lime and nothing else. Much better for me.

Overall, I am super happy with my progress. I have decided to make lasting life change, and this month so far has been a lot of getting settled into these new changes and allowing them to become a part of my routine.  I think month two I want to focus more on nutrition that will encourage fat loss. Also I want to focus on the workouts I do by myself. I don't push myself as hard as when I walk into the CF Box, something I've noticed these last few times I've worked out at home so tonight I'm going to swim my little heart out.

How have your last 26 days been? Let me know about the progress you are making on your goals, I'm cheering you on as well! We can do this together!!!



Monday, June 25, 2012

You Are Better Than You Think

Friday morning I was talking to a friend of mine and he was telling my a story about someone he worked for a few decades ago when he first began his career. His manager made it a habit of looking people in the eye and telling them, "You are better than you think." Now this may come off as a little weird, but the way that it was said when I heard this story was absolutely beautiful. This man made a conscious effort to affirm everyone around him. He knew that people heap abuse upon themselves, and he wanted them to stop that for a moment, and be encouraged. These are powerful, beautiful, life-giving words he spoke on a daily basis. His hope was that eventually people would start to believe him.

There is a disconnect between my heart and my brain. There always has been. There is a part of my brain that acknowledges that I am hard on myself and I beat myself up far more than I should, but my heart fails to get the message. If you are reading this, I know you do this too. It seems to be part of the human experience. A crappy part, I should add. Just stop for a moment and take inventory of your thoughts. Whether you are working on a project, or dinner, or laundry (my perpetual ongoing project), take an inventory of your thoughts. How many times do you believe that you are less than you truly are? Perhaps this is a touch easier for me because I tend to have a constant stream of chatter going on within myself. I also talk to myself to process my thoughts out loud when I need to organize an idea. I don't know how other people think and process thoughts, but this may be common to lots of people. Those things you mutter to yourself under your breath that no one else hears? You are generally speaking them to yourself. What are you saying? Perhaps you should try a few of these on for size.

You are better than you think.

You are stronger than you ever imagined.

You are beautiful.

You have been fearfully and wonderfully made, and there is no one on the planet like you.

You are amazing.


Woke up super late since I had terrible sleep last night. Missed my CF class, but I got up and did an at home mini-wod.

5 rounds
10 air squats
10 hand release push ups
10 sit ups. (for the lack of an abmat, a folded up towel in the small of your back helps you get a more full extension and engaged core)

Finished in 12:12. Not as intense as I would have liked, but my dog kept trying to sit in my lap when I was doing situps, and he wanted to snuggle by my face when I was doing pushups. He could not, however, figure out what I was doing with the air squats.


Breakfast: 3 eggs with salsa, coffee with H&H and Splenda.

Lunch: Bacon, avocado, and tomato and a mineral water. Not just for breakfast anymore!

Dinner: Chicken in the crock pot, this is kind of an experiment, and I genuinely have no idea how it's going to turn out. I threw a bunch of chicken in the crock pot with some dry rub and some white wine. We'll see how it turns out.

It is unbelievable to consider the power of our words and thoughts-- they become our actions. If we think and speak the best of ourselves, then your only choice is to become the best possible version of you. Now go speak some truth to yourself and others, and proclaim it boldly. Leave it in the comments so we can encourage each other!



Sunday, June 24, 2012

Strong and Courageous.

Hello all!

Sorry about the long lapse of posts. The last half of this week was insanely busy at work and it left me completely unable to write once I got home. The mental energy involved in training people this week was more than I expected.

I won't try to summarize everything that has gone on, I'll just give you some highlights. When I was first planning out my time frames for my workouts and how many rest days I would need per week, I neglected to account for those days when I am naturally in a lot of pain and would prefer to remain in a fetal curl if at all possible. Nothing that kills any woman, it just feels like it's trying to kill you is all. So Thursday night I did my yoga, despite my body screaming at me not to, and come Friday I could not get out of bed. I ate breakfast and took three Aleve and then went to work. So I missed a workout on Friday and Saturday. I am going to try to do some yoga tonight. I found a YouTube video of some stretches for your hips and IT Bands which help alleviate knee pain and tightness. I'm going to try to go through them, even though they do look super challenging. Nutritional highlights, we had some thin crust pizza on Thursday night. As it turns out, the smell of pizza is delish to me still, but I don't really like it anymore. As I am finding with most junk food that I used to love, it doesn't settle well and I don't want to eat it even though it still smells good. The taste is no longer appealing to me either. The take away here is that my palate is changing and I don't want that food as much!!! This is a good memory to keep in my mind for the next time that I have some sort of craving. I did have some chocolate on Friday, shocker. It is still delicious. I don't want to live in a world where chocolate is no longer delicious to me.

So in the midst of being super stressed and busy this week, one thing kept coming back to me. It is frightening to put myself out here this way. It's so very public. There is nothing to hide behind. And unlike someone who may have a struggle that is easily concealed, being overweight is anything but easily concealed. It is terrifying to consider failure, but I am also trying to forge into unknown territory for me. In my adult life, I have never not been plus-sized. The last few days were hard because I was stressed and I was tempted to eat my way through it. But I wasn't tempted to quit because I kept meditating on this passage of scripture:

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Now I know this instruction was given to Joshua, but it speaks to me every day that I choose to fight the good fight. Not only am I commanded to be strong and courageous, I am commanded to not be terrified or discouraged. Kind of perfect if I let it sink in .It's not that fear won't present itself to you. It's that when it knocks, you don't invite fear in and let it make itself at home The beauty of it is that I don't have to worry about summoning the courage and strength within myself, my supply of both is finite and fleeting. I am strong and courageous because God is with me wherever I go. And that is beautiful, and comforting, and far too magnificent for my words to describe.


Yoga, from YouTube, we'll see if I can go through these movements. If not I'll go back to the BL Weightloss Yoga video with Bob Harper.


Breakfast: Bacon, avocado, and tomato with half a lime. Coffee and H&H with Splenda.

Lunch: Salmon, steamed cauliflower. The steamed cauliflower is way more bland than I imagined. Needs other flavors. 

Dinner: Chicken in tomato sauce with fresh basil and rosemary.

Do not be terrified and do not be discouraged. Thanks for being here with me.



Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Leaving old habits behind is kind of like a breakup. I'm not talking a polite "let's still be friends," type of breakup. It's not a Ross and Rachel, "We were on a break." More along the lines of Sid and Nancy, where someone ends up dead. And then the other person ends up OD'd on heroine... or donuts. Jenna Marbles, of YouTube fame, says in her video, How Diets Work, "Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance,' isn't about a break up! It's about my relationship with food!" (She is quite possibly one of the funniest people on the planet, very curse word heavy. Consider yourself warned.) I couldn't agree more.

The thing about changing your way of eating is that you can't get away from having to eat, and the bad romance is everywhere you go! Just hop in your car and go to work and on your way you are passing by countless terrible options. (There is a stinking Culver's opening less than a mile from our front door. I've told Rob we're moving.) Once I get to work, this is where the heavy artillery comes in. We have potlucks, fundraiser bake sales, bagels and donuts and muffins--Oh my! The truth is, it still hurts to pass it by. I still want it. I cannot begin to describe how much that annoys me. Even so, it's important to allow the time for changes to take place. You have to walk before you learn to run. The same is true with life change. It's a process that takes time. So instead of focusing on the Sid and Nancy aspect of weight loss, today I am focusing on the positive.

I want it less than I used to want it before. June first I sat at my desk that Friday afternoon and almost cried because I wanted a soda and candy so bad. I wish I was joking about this. It was super pathetisad and I may have whined for several minutes before I just drank some more water. I'm not even really a candy eater, but it was the thought that I couldn't have it that made me want it. My palate is starting to change. I am surprised at what I am finding satisfying as a meal. You know sugar,  potato, and bread free foods put together still make a meal. Weird. This morning I was surprised at how sweet the fresh tomatoes tasted. It was absolutely lovely and delicious. Making myself hungry for dinner.


MetCon (CF term for Metabolic Conditioning, which is largely a cardiovascular effort.)

2 Minutes max reps sit ups
2 Minutes max calorie burn rowing
2 Minutes max rep box step ups
1 Minute rest
Repeat. Total all reps+calories for score. My score today was 137.


Breakfast: Variation on my BAT, 3 slices of ham, 2 Roma tomatoes, and 1 avocado with a splash of lime juice. Coffee with H&H and Splenda.

Lunch: 1 Spicy chicken sausage with peppers and onions in a tomato sauce.

Snack: 1 low carb ice cream bar.

Dinner: Gluten free BBQ beef and creamed spinach.

I wish that this process took about as long as it takes to microwave a bag of popcorn. It doesn't. It takes ever so slightly longer. However, I'm in it for the long haul. Thanks for being here with me. Any suggestions on how to continue the breakup are greatly appreciated. No one wants to go crawling back to their evil ex.