Monday, June 4, 2012

Changing My Mind

Ever change your mind? Now I'm not talking about a decision making dilemma in line at Starbucks. "Should I go with the grande non-fat no whip frappuccino or...." Or the daily process of picking out what to wear. Answer: whatever is clean and requires no ironing. No, what I am referring to is an actual change in thinking. Changing your mind. Creating a personal paradigm shift. Ever done that? Yeah, it's kind of a nebulous concept to talk about but absolutely essential to lasting change. This is going to get into the heart and soul aspect of lasting change. Hang in there with me, it will be worth it.

When I first lost 100 pounds, it was probably not the healthiest way possible even though I was under the care of a physician. The reason I know it wasn't healthy is that she wanted me consuming only 800 calories per day and half my hair fell out. (I wish that was a joke, sadly it's not.) We won't talk about how crazy and silly that whole fiasco was, but I want to touch on what happened afterwards. After I'd lost 100+ lbs, I went through a few months of not really understanding how I'd changed physically. I'd go shopping for clothes and I would pull the sizes I was used to wearing and it was difficult and weird for me to try on smaller sizes. The moment I think that solidified my body change for me was when I was walking into the ladies room at work one day and I see a woman I don't recognize out of the corner of my eye. So I turn to say hi to her (I'm friendly like that), and I realized it was my reflection in the mirror. I thought it was someone I didn't know because I wasn't used to recognize my reflection as being that much smaller. My mind had to change and allow me to be a smaller size and a smaller person. I didn't realize how much of my identity is wrapped up in my weight and I still don't think I fully understand that. It's all still wound up tight like a ball of yarn, but it needs to be undone. I take in information all day long that tells me I can't, or I won't, or my likelihood of success is slim to none. I want to challenge what I hear on the news about all of the scientific studies on the epidemic of obesity, and weight loss statistics, and all of the diet mumbo jumbo. I want to challenge the perception of beauty that I am bombarded with everyday that tells me that I don't measure up and that I am woefully under par. (Because to a certain and sometimes crippling degree, I believe it.) I want to stop accepting that defeat is inevitable and live in the truth that I am more than a conquerorr and that I am meant to live in victory. My purpose in life is a victorious one. Yours is too. But how do we do it?

You make a choice.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that by testing you may confirm what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2 ESV.

I had never seen this verse in this light before, but I was at church last night and I heard Pastor Jaime Rasmussen speaking on this very topic. I will try to sum up what I learned.

Take a look at that first part of the verse. Do not be conformed but be transformed. It is up to us to make the choice to be either conformed or transformed. Think about the word "conformed." When I think about the ways I fall short of conforming to this world's image, I shudder. But I have allowed my thinking to be corrupted by these values. I have believed that my worth is tied to the number on the scale. I have believed that I deserved to be treated as less valuable than others and I have allowed them to treat me as such. I have believed so many lies! Now if I think about the word, "transformed," that is what I need now. That word means to be changed, to be made new, "to be made astoundingly different." (Quoting Pastor Jaime here.)  And this transformation isn't something that we bring about by our own volition, it is something that happens as we renew our minds. There it is! Change your mind, and you will be changed!!! Fix that broken record of broken and toxic thinking and as your mind is transformed--you will be transformed. The renewing of your mind requires that you saturate yourself with truth, that you allow truth to penetrate your mind and eventually your heart which will then impact your whole life. But check your source of truth. I recommend that you start with Bible. A lifetime of hurt and judgement and feeling less than can be transformed into a victorious life. That's what I'm working on here. I don't know how long it will take, what shape it will take, or how impactful it will be to others, but this is my commitment. And most importantly I know that without God leading me to do this and pushing me until I could no longer hold back--this would be impossible. Apart from Him, I am nothing and lasting change in my life would not exist.

It seems too simple. Don't be deceived into thinking that just because something is simple it will also be easy. I'm still trying to digest all of this. It's so wonderful to feel like you have found a puzzle piece you were missing, but I am still working on putting it all together. 

Today's WOD was a 20 minute AMRAP. (As many rounds as possible)

Each round consisted of: 15 box step ups (my knees can't take box jumps) 10 AbMat Situps, and 15 Hand release push ups. The hand release is at the bottom to make sure you are going all the way to the bottom of your pushup. I finished 6 compelte rounds. I was "sprinting" my last set of pushups because I was exhausted and had less than a minute to finish. Finished with a second to spare. And then I stayed on the floor while pleasantly surprised that I didn't die.


Breakfast was ham and eggs scramble and coffee with h&h and Splenda.

Snack: Half of my lunch salad which was chicken and turkey, with broccoli, celery and a french onion dressing I tried making. I honestly have to tweak this dressing because I had way more than I intended to have, and it was more of a sour cream base that was thinned out. It's too much.

Lunch, The rest of the salad and a mineral water.

Snack, Premier Nutrition Protein Shake.

Dinner, Thai red curry and roasted purple cauliflower.

So today was a deeper day and it's left me somewhat quiet and pensive. I'm excited though because I want to internalize this lesson I'm learning and I am so greatful to share this all with you. What kind of change do you need to make in your mind? If you have ever been through this process, please share any wisdom or experience in the comments. If you are embarking on this journey now, let me know how I can encourage you and lift you up. We were meant for so much more than we have accepted. We are meant to live in victory.




  1. <3. Love this blog. And that was a killer WOD, great job on 6 rounds!

    1. My sweet Tangie! I am so blessed that you would be on this journey with you! Thank you fir being so amazing and open about your struggles. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have found CrossFit Chaparral! Thank you my friend!

  2. You know what hits me? That is partly what I was talking about when I told you that God has you on this journey but it may not look like what you think. I don't know that i could have articulated what I meant--but that's definitely a big part of it: we 'change our mind' a little at a time and we transform, one thought at a time, which really adds up! It doesn't just change our present reality but changes us forever. God is so good!
    Seems to me that we too often try to change our behavior BEFORE we change our thinking...which may be why the change doesn't usually last?? Changing how we think and how we manage our thoughts is a HUGE undertaking that few people take on!! Kudos to you, girl!!!! {it will be hugely impactful to others, I know that. Because you are showing how you are changing behaviors along with how you change your mind, which is an excellent way to teach and lead!}