Friday, August 17, 2012

You're Great!

If you watched the Olympics at all, you have probably seen the following commercial by Nike.

"Greatness. It's just something we made up. Somehow we have come to believe that greatness is a gift reserved for a chosen few. For prodigies. For superstars. And the rest of us can only stand by watching. You can forget that. Greatness is not some rare DNA strand. It's not some precious thing. Greatness is no more unique to us than breathing. We're all capable of it. All of us."
My initial reaction were tears. I had tears in my eyes when I saw this kids running. His name is Nathan, he is from Ohio and at 12 years of age he weighs 200 lbs. I was overwhelmed with how wonderful it was to see him running. I can't tell you how many times I wish I had done it back then. In my heart I cheer him on. The words too that accompany his running, move and inspire me. "Greatness is no more unique to us than breathing. We're all capable of it. All of us."

We are all capable of greatness. It's our birthright as a member of the human race. Greatness is not confined to the top place of the Olympic podium. It is found in the lonely runner on a country road. Or in finishing that which you didn't think your body was capable of. How about having the courage to even get started? Funny enough, I don't think that most people take enough time to give themselves credit for what makes them great. I am terrible at it. Mentally, even when I succeed, I am always playing things back and wondering what I could have done better. I have a hard time admitting or acknowledging that I am good at anything, much less really calling any of my strengths great. Am I alone in this? Like I said, I don't think so.

So here is my challenge to you, and me, make a list of how you are great. What makes you great? What are you good at? How are you absolutely, uniquely, amazing? Write it down. Say it out loud. Affirm to yourself and the world that you are absolutely made with purpose, and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are great!


Still hurting knees, today they are both in agony. I need to find a specialist and get them looked at. Going to try the WOD tomorrow though. We'll see.


Breakfast: 2 eggs, 2 slices of of bacon. First bacon in a long time and it was delicious. Also a muffin.

Lunch: spinach salad, 4.5 oz roast beast, 3 T light ranch dressing, Baked Lays, mineral water.

Dinner: Mexican food extraveganzzzzzzza. Totally not Paleo, so don't care. Birria (spicy roast beef, shredded and served with lettuce, pico de gallo, guac, and a squeeze of lime), Magic Rice, and refried beans. Got tortillas for the fam, but I don't think I want any because my mom promised she'd bring pumpkin pie for dessert. There are few things I love more than pumpkin pie. It means fall is coming. Eventually.

I'm working on my list. Here it is so far:

I give the best hugs.
I have AWESOME hair.
I am a great singer.
I am absolutely creative, to the core of who I am.
I am fearlessly changing my life and my health every day.
I am a child of God. That one is my favorite.

Will you share your list with me? Leave your notes in the comments!



Tuesday, August 14, 2012


Wow what a great morning! I somehow didn't expect to see myself down 4.4 lbs when I got on the scale, but I am so excited! The Bodybugg is doing it's job of helping me keep closer track on calories in and calories out. It's basic math, but you need the information that your body doesn't just naturally give you. I had a bit of fun the first CF WOD I wore the Bodybugg for, in my 21 minute WOD I burned over 900 calories. Incinerated is more like it. I would have had no idea if it weren't for this nifty little device. And now that I am used to wearing it, I don't really mind it at all. It's not a perfect device, and the software isn't as intuitive as I would like, but it's a wonderful bit of technology and it's extremely helpful.

Fear has been on my mind lately. It's been a topic of several conversations with many people and it's making me sit up and take notice. We all deal with fear. There are times I feel fear circling around me like a bird that is waiting to strike its prey. That's a bit melodramatic, but isn't fear like that? When fear exists, happiness and joy are gone. Fear is a liar, a cheater, and a thief. But it's powerful. It imprisons us daily. We don't do because we fear the outcome. We remain the same because we fear the unknown. We don't take the risk and jump because we fear falling and failing. Fear binds and shackles our dreams and potential and leaves us mired in mediocrity. Fear is powerful, and it's a lie. One that we cannot listen to any longer and expect our lives to change.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 A short passage that I keep coming back to over and over again as this process goes on. Here is the internal dialogue that goes on in my head after I read that.

"But what about when I'm scared about..."
Do not be afraid

"But this is completely uncharted territory for me!"
I am with you wherever you go

"But I don't know if I can do this!" (serious whining here)
Be strong and courageous.

And there again, I am reminded that fear is not an option.


Resting my knees still. Going to try CF in the morning again. I will say no to box jumps. For now.


Breakfast: 3 links of Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausage, 3 eggs, coffee with H&H and Truvia

Snack: 2 string cheese sticks

Lunch: 7 oz boneless skinless chicken breast, 1.5 cups of steamed broccoli, mineral water 

Snack: 1 oz dry roasted almonds.

Dinner: 2 salmon burgers-no buns, just salmon, caprese salad

There was a tremendous amount of fear in starting this blog. A public chronicle of my weightloss efforts? I seriously questioned my sanity! There was a long list of fears, some of them bigger than others. It was an act of faith and courage beyond myself and my capacity that propelled me forward. These are among my greatest fears, all that I am telling you about my life and heart and hurts, here they are.

I fear the unknown.
I don't know how this process will change me, and I don't know how I will still be me after it's completed.
I don't know what it's like to be a non-plus sized girl.
What will life be like?
Will I make it?

I find, however, that as I call forth my fears from the darkness out into the light, they aren't as big as I once thought they were. I can clear my throat and speak the following truths of myself: I am strong. I am courageous. I am not afraid.



P.S. I am also scared of the dark.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Will Power and Diamonds

When I was a little girl, I was a nail biter. I've always been a high energy person, and as someone with ADHD, there is a fair bit of low grade anxiety most of the time. So I used to bite my nails. Not only was it a sort of gross habit, it was also incredibly unbecoming. (Note: I am not picking on any nail biters out there. I promise there will be a point to all of this.) I was about 9 years old when my mom struck a deal with me. If I didn't bite my nails for two months, she would buy me a diamond ring. If I needed them trimmed or if I broke one, I was to tell her and she would trim them for me. So there stood this major challenge before me. If I did it, I would get the one thing I have loved since I could see shiny things--jewelry. No joke, since I was a very little child I have loved the sparkly. Non-vampire form of sparkly. I digress. Prior to this deal I struck with my mom, she had tried everything to get me to stop biting them. She had used this bitter nail polish type stuff to make my nails taste bad, she had begged and pleaded, she had spanked and grounded me and nothing seemed to work. But this time, she had dangled the ultimate carrot in front of my face. I wanted the diamond ring so bad, I was willing to do anything. So I stopped biting my nails. I stopped cold turkey.

Sixty days is not a terribly long period of time, but for a nine-year-old it may as well be a year. Sixty days of not biting my nails was an awful length of time. It dragged on and on. But after a while, the desire to bite my nails was gone. I knew that I was going to get my ring instead. I remember every time we would get an ad from the store, I would go tearing through it to make sure that they still had the ring that I wanted. Finally the weekend after the sixty days was completed, my mom took me to collect my prize. I still remember walking into that jewelry store.  It had super thick red carpet that muffled your steps. I could be a ninja on that carpet. I picked out my ring, it said "Love" with a heart for the "o" and a tiny diamond chip in the middle of it. It may have cost about $20-$30 total, but I could have cared less. It seemed to me to have cost thousands, and in my young life I had not owned anything so beautiful. It was all mine, and I had earned it.

I was telling my girlfriends this story at lunch on Friday as we sat in a restaurant and they ate the food they ordered, I ate the lunch I had packed. ( I clearly have no sense of shame, but it was the only way for me to have an accurate calorie count.) My friend Stephanie looks at me and remarks at the story, "Wow! You have so much will power!" I just looked at her dumbfounded. I have never in my life associated my character with having any amount of self-control. Impulse control issues was what I associated with me, not will power. But what she said so resonated with me that I had to write it down. What I realized about my success and breaking this bad habit: 1) It was a specific goal. 2) There was a specific time frame involved. 3) There was a prize at stake. 4) I wanted to do it. Even though it was my mom's idea, I wanted it. I want this success, even though it's going to take more than 60 days. I want this more than anything, and I have time specific goals as well as numbers that I want to achieve. Perhaps I may need to add a prize to my current goals. Something shiny seems appropriate. Or several prizes...I like that idea too.


Rest day. My knees are still hurting a lot and after Friday's WOD I have limped all weekend long. I am beginning to wonder if I need to see a specialist about getting those shots in them. I may also need to revamp my workouts in general. More rowing, less box jumps.


Breakfast: 3 Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausage links, 3 eggs, coffee with h&h and Splenda/Truvia. I am trying to make the switch to Truvia, but it's a process, I am using a little bit of Splenda still but I am not replacing it once I run out.

Snack: 2 string cheese sticks.

Lunch: spinach salad with turkey breast, half an avocado, and spicy low-fat ranch. 1 serving Baked Ruffles. Rrrrruffles have rrrrrridges. Bonus points if you remember that commercial.

Snack: I have a protein shake or almonds if I get hungry for a second snack, but I'm not committed to eating it just yet.

Dinner: chicken breast, with garlic and lemon, salt and pepper. 2 cups steamed broccoli. Broccoli makes me happy, and fills me up. May put some butter on it. We'll see what my calorie count is at at this point.

I like this new perspective I have on myself, and my character. I've always considered myself tenacious, and a strong willed, but having will power is new to me. It's growing on me too. And in case you're wondering, that ring still sits in my jewelry box, 26 years later. Special thanks to my friend Stephanie, who sees things in me that I don't, and to my mom who is still teaching me about myself at the age of 35.



Thursday, August 2, 2012

Welcome to August!

The end of month two! It's been two months diet soda free and I cannot tell you how wonderful it is! Amazing to feel free of that soda itch. I remember Friday the first of June so clearly. I sat at my desk and nearly cried I wanted soda so bad! Last weekend I got a free diet soda and didn't even drink half of it. The desire for soda is absolutely gone, and my health is better for it. I don't feel that much different, but I do look different. My skin looks better now that all I drink is water and coffee. Now I know I post a lot about coffee, but really all I have is a large mug in the morning. So for the rest of the day it really is all water that I drink. A mineral water at lunch, and more water for the rest of the day rounds me out. So happy about it!

Last week's back squats messed with my knees. They are sore and swollen, and I am reminded that I don't have the luxury of going that hard or else I'll hurt for days. Did a little yoga on Saturday, mostly stretching though, nothing really strenuous. Stayed strong all week, clean eating even though we ate out. Had some chocolate and remembered that even though dark chocolate is supposedly good for you, I am not so tolerant of it and it tends to trigger migraines in me.

I purchased a Bodybugg the other day. I am really excited about it, and can't wait to get my hands on it. I went back and forth between the Bodybugg and a Fitbit, but I think that for my needs, the Bodybugg will give me better information on caloric burn, and caloric needs and such. For those of you who may not know, the Bodybugg is a handy little gadget you  wear on your arm. It has sensors that calculates all sorts of information to give you an accurate reading on your calories burned. I'm excited to see what kind of information it gives me. I'm most curious about how much I burn during and after a CF WOD. We'll see! I realized though that I finally started to see the weight budge again when I started tracking my calories with My Fitness Pal. The reason I wanted to go with the Bodybugg is that I wanted to have even specific information than I would have otherwise. Using technology for good! (As a note, I'm not being compensated for my use or endorsement of this product. I am buying it and will tell you what I think. Good, bad, or indifferent.)

Now for the Month 2 Wrap Up!!! 

Not nearly enough WOD's. Only completed half of my goal. I definitely see the impact of work stress and then my knees hurting. I missed a lot and would give this an F. However, it makes me wonder if my goals are a little too aggressive and may need to rethink them. I would rather keep pushing and striving though. We'll see, I'll let you know if I make any changes to my goals though.

Weight lost: 10 lbs! I finally saw the scale move! Thank heavens! And continued inches lost 5.5 more inches which means I am down over a foot in inches total!!! (14.5 for the record) YAY! So glad to see actual weight lost though, I can't tell you how much I needed to see the number move. It would have been difficult to not be discouraged if it hadn't moved. I hope to make greater progress with the Bodybugg.


Breakfast: 3 eggs, coffee with half and half and splenda

Snack: 2 string cheese sticks, 1 oz almonds

Lunch: 2 cups of spinach salad, 5 oz lean ham, 2 TBS Ken's Lighthouse Ranch Dressing.

Dinner: 8oz Black Tie Ono (fish), 2 cups broccoli, 1tbs butter


Rest day. It's been a rest week due to my knees being angry. Going back to CrossFit tomorrow morning.

I am so encouraged about the scale movement, and I feel like I am narrowing down what does and doesn't work for me. Food journal has been key, and going back to measuring my portions out. Also, less bacon has helped as well. I miss it, but my waistline is improving-so it's ok. Also I hope the insanity at work should slow down more so more frequent posts are in the future. Love to you all!